On melancholy.

Some other nights I tend to be lost
and gripped by a sudden intense sadness.
Whenever I'm praying on those nights,
I surrender.
I cannot help but give in to that abyss
of subtle emotions flowing through me.
In those nights,
I am being awakened.
Like a bomb exploding when the fire had swallowed
the long rope of patience..
..and I cry.

Radical emotions are being released.
Realizations are slapping me harshly..
..making me lose my physical and mental equilibrium,
and tears uncontrollably pours down from my eyes.

I really can't explain why this happen.
I myself, is trying to figure out this perplexing puzzle's
real picture.

But I do know what triggers this..
..as I said, realizations.
Realizations that I merely ignore when I'm
in my usual self, doing what I want and barely
listening and understanding what the people
around me are saying.

I feel heavy..
It's as if a swirling mass of imbroglio
is inside my system full of realizations:
continual faults,
undone roles,
misdeed duties,
unending grief,
real feelings..
..I realize them during those nights.
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Am I bitter?
Is it a good thing or a bad thing? (0n crying)

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P.S. I'm not saying that my life's pure sadness,though. It's just that, I think the intense sadness
that I've felt and kept all these years, are just being burst out just now.
Sigh.